Epiphany

I had an epiphany, well, kinda. Let me splain.

I posted a couple of posts back that I was looking for a job and have had a couple of interviews.  I’m still being considered for a job at a large manufacturing company but, the job I’m still being considered for is not the original job I interviewed for. It was like a gut punch for them to come back at me and say, ‘well you didn’t get that one but we wanna consider you for another gig, working for the person we chose over you but it’s still gonna take us about a month to go through some other people then we will come back to you. Look, I cuss a lot but I’m pretty sure I don’t need to cuss right there. It kinda speaks for itself.  I tell you what, you can cuss for me.

I was down for about a week but got back on the horse a couple days ago and did about a dozen apps and low and behold, I got an opportunity to for a phone screening within 24 hours. I’ve gotten numb to thinking that an interview went well cause at the end of the day, you don’t have a fucking clue, not really, how it really went.  There are two ends of a phone and you can only manage what comes outta your mouthpiece.  You have no control of what comes through the earpiece, nor do you have any control over what happens when you hang up.  I mean, you can be “perfect” and still get fucked.

After having a little quiet time since the last interview, I reflected on a couple of things the recruiter said and I had an epiphany; like I said, kinda.

Don’t take this the wrong way cause I don’t mean to sound like an arrogant dick but I’m good at what I do both in a corporate environment and as an entrepreneur. There was something the recruiter said to me that kinda chapped my ass upon reflection and led to my epiphany.

When we started the interview the recruiter began by saying to me,  no different than most 1st interviewers, that she wanted to talk about my background but, unlike most interviewers she says,  ‘particularly about my experience with larger companies because the dynamic different within a large company than that of a small company’. She continued with, ‘I figure that Valley, my mortgage company,  is a small company because I’ve never heard of it before.’

I really wish there was a way to hit a pause button when you write so people can have a minute to think about some bullshit. There’s not really a pause to hit so you just have to write some extraneous shit as a filler while you let the potential reader reflect and you reflect yourself on how what you just wrote is so fucked up. Pause off.

What she was really telling me, fuck your skillset and your knowledge, ‘can you color between the lines? Can you fit in? Can you be a yes man?’

If you’ve never spoken to me or know me and you said some fucked up shit you don’t really know how I can dismiss your fucked-up statement and talk straight through you. I don’t know if that’s arrogance or not but what I do know is that it keeps me from cussing you the fuck out, which is my primary instinct.  I can color in between the lines but I get to choose the crayons I use.

I didn’t cuss but what I artfully did was to say, “ok, but let me tell you about Valley first because not only does what I do align with the job description, our companies are also aligned in terms of the products that we provide.” People that really know me, know that I will cut you off and get to where I want to get to. It’s not intended to be rude or arrogant, it’s me having thought about what needs to be said to make a strategic point. 

I’m not gonna recap the interview but that moment brought me to my epiphany and hear it is.  “What I’m doing going to work for somebody else in a role that won’t be nearly as challenging or as rewarding as me using all of my knowledge and experience to reach and stretch myself at this point in my career? I have done and can-do big shit. Companies are not looking for leaders, they’re looking for robots that fit a particular mold and clearly, I’m a square peg that looks like a square peg and the hole I’m trying to fit in ain’t round, it’s rectangular. I need to get Blue Diamond done or one of the other projects done that are on my list. Put a square peg in whatever fucking place I can fit it.” That’s the epiphany.

I say kinda, cause it’s not the first time I’ve had this thought, its just amplified when I find myself in situations like this interview.

The reason I’m going slower in my pursuit of Blue Diamond than I otherwise would is that my pockets only have lint balls in ’em. Money motivates much more than the pursuit of money motivates, at least for me.

Here’s the thing I press on young entrepreneurs or would be entrepreneurs, have faith in your project and in your pursuit. Believe in you. It’s kinda like chasing women or dating I should say to keep from seeming like a misogynist. Here’s the deal, you will never know if you can get the girl if you don’t pursue or at least ask the question, at some point. “Opportunities” present themselves when you’re in the game.

Let me wrap this up with this. I’m chasing Blue Diamond but I won’t hesitate to replace this lint with some greenbacks.

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