Of Course His Ass was Late!

Wouldn’t you know this bitch was gonna be late? We were scheduled for 2p. At 2:20 he ain’t there. No text, no call, no fuck you, nothing. There are few things more disrespectful than people fucking off your time.  Some, but not a lot more.

I texted this asshole to let him know I was there.  He responded 10 minutes later saying let’s move it to 3:30p. Ain’t that a bitch?

The right thing to do would have been to say, naw, I can’t. And blow his ass the fuck off. I didn’t. I should’ve but I didn’t. I agreed to move the meeting to 3:30.

This bitch shows up a little after 3:30 with nothing in hand. I didn’t expect him to bring any documents.  That would have been too much like right. He starts this small talk about his wife and flowerpots. I wanted today, ‘bitch, do I look like I give a fuck?’ I didn’t.  I’m sure the fake-ass smile clearly indicated I didn’t give a fuck.

After he finished telling me his bullshit story about his day, without apologizing for fucking him an hour and a half of my time, which he did at the end, we got down to why we were meeting.  Turns out, his big deal is where are we gonna land on price. How much an I offering? I refuse to fall into that bullshit trap.

What I told him was there are multiple parts to determining a value including the real estate, buying out the tenants and the CapEx required to renovate the stores. I wanted to say, ‘those shitty stores.’ I didn’t.  When he started talking about the existing gasoline contracts I quickly added, ‘I have to factor in a cost to break those deals,’ since I didn’t plan to keep any of those.

This fucker proceeds to give me costs estimates for each valuation point. I don’t know if you have ever negotiated a deal but going thru this is also disrespectful.  Bitch, you have a number you think you want or you should.  We have been at this for 2 months, more than 2 months.  You have number.  Tell me your number.  Don’t try to tell me what my number should be or how I should determine value. What you’re talking about doesn’t mean shit to me. Not Jack Shit.

Look, at the end of the day, my objective is to buy his shitty stores at the best price I can get them for while being sure to create value for myself and the private equity fund that will be investing in this deal. So, as long as he is at the table, the more I’m going to oblige him with his bullshit, up to a point.

He goes thru giving me how much a tank farm and pumps should cost pee location.  He’s throwing out numbers, like $125,000 to maybe $175,000 per location and an estimate to buy out the tenants of like $25-40,000 per location.  I’m not gonna do the math for you.  Read the other posts and figure out how much we’re talking.  He says he’s willing to offer a discount on the real estate cause he’s selling the stores as a bundle. How about you offer a discount because you are selling a toxic bundle of shitty ass assets? How about that, ‘buddy?’

Kind of a weird deal about me. I may say this more than a couple of times, but I don’t, won’t negotiate a deal face to face on a ‘this is my offer basis.’  I’m always afraid that might fuck it up. Even for job offers, I need to see shit in writing so I can know what I have thought and what we may have discussed is what the offer is. I’ve done a lotta shit but that is an area that just makes me uncomfortable.  I will walk the fuck away if somebody gives me a ‘take it or leave deal’ if it’s not the deal I have come to on my own, before the face to face.  Fortunately, he didn’t come up with some shit like that.

What I told this dude to wrap up is that I would come up with a price range in the next few days.  The more I think about it, post-meeting, it won’t be a couple of days.  I need real estimates on renovations so I don’t box myself in.  It might be a week or two. This bitch can wait. I’ve been waiting.  I don’t want to come up with a bad price that, 1) makes for a bad deal, 2) that give him more value than I’m receiving, 3) that doesn’t support the shitty volumes that the might eventually do, 4) a deal that my lenders and equity look at and ask, what the fuck was nothing and pass on the deal, and 5) something that he won’t except.

Bottom line, we still have a deal on the table. Gotta proceed with caution.

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